Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
