my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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