how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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