dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
