I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
