the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
