What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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