I didn't shave. On purpose
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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