The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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