You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
