I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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