this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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