I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
