Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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