Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
