At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
barbara walters just said penis...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
