I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
