she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
