I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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