She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
