There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
