my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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