And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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