thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
