He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
