I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
