so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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