Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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