If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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