I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
