I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
