Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
