we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
