hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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