So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
