Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
a search helicopter?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
