I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
