And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
