i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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