'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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