Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
