you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
