i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
