Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
