If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
