you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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