Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
