Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
