She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
