Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
