the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
