I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
