Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
