Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
