i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
