so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
